


the loneliness never left me (i can put it down in your company)

by CommanderMollyOBrien



Series: i'm ready to suffer (i'm ready to hope) [3]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 1. Diaspora, 2. Long tradition of wanting to fight their deities, 3. Stubbornly refusing to give up even when the whole universe wants to kill them, 4. Considered to be a culture of determined bickering academics, 5. Had their language/culture suppressed by another group, Anyways sorry professor tolkien we've claimed the noldor, Depression, Family Fluff, Gen, Hannukah, I have evidence, Kidnap Dads, Mental Illness, Noldor are Jewish, Platonic Cuddling, Recovery, Two Bored Preteen Eldritch Horrors Invent A Holiday, eldritch peredhil, except i'm not sorry at all, okay not exactly but it's basically Noldorian Hannukah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMollyOBrien/pseuds/CommanderMollyOBrien
Summary: Three stories about mental illness, family, and recovery set during Hanukkah-er, i mean, a completely unrelated fire-based holiday celebrating survival against overwhelming odds. Yeah, that.Kalanna is Quenya for Gift of Light.Title from No Choir by Florence + the Machine.
Relationships: Celebrimbor | Telperinquar & Elrond Peredhel, Elrond Peredhel & Elros Tar-Minyatur, Elrond Peredhel & Maedhros | Maitimo, Elrond Peredhel & Maglor | Makalaurë, Elros Tar-Minyatur & Maedhros | Maitimo, Elros Tar-Minyatur & Maglor | Makalaurë, Maedhros | Maitmo & Maglor | Makalaurë & Elrond Peredhel & Elros Tar-Minyatur
Series: i'm ready to suffer (i'm ready to hope) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086692
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Elrond and Elros are the equivalent of about 11 in this chapter.

"Atya's still locked in his office. He won't answer the door," Elrond announced glumly. 

Elros groaned, "He still hasn't come out? When does he even sleep?" 

"I think he sleeps in his office these days," Elrond theorized.

Elros grumbled, "We can't go outside because of the blizzard, Atya won't teach me to throw knives like he _promised_ because he's sulking, Atar won't do anything with us because he's too busy doing all the things Atya isn't doing because he's sulking-"

"-and all the human kids want to play is hide-and-seek," Elrond continued, "I _hate_ hide-and-seek-"

"-because we can shapeshift and read minds, which makes hide and seek pointless," Elros finished, "I hate winter. There's _nothing_ to do."

Elrond said thoughtfully, "There's got to be something that'll cheer everyone up. Everyone's miserable and bored, not just us."

After a moment, Elros excitedly suggested, "We should have a party!"

Elrond pointed out, "There aren't any holidays coming up."

Undeterred, Elros declared, "We should make a holiday!"

"We can't just invent a-" he stopped, realizing that people could, in theory, just invent a holiday, "I mean, we could, in theory, just invent a holiday. But it'd take a lot of work and we'd need Atar's help."

Elros pointed out, "It's this, or hide-and-seek."

"You two have invented.... a holiday," Maglor sounded out each syllable like he wasn't sure that he had heard what the twins had said correctly. To be fair, Maglor did that a lot with their ideas. He comforted himself with the knowledge that none of their ideas would be as insane as the incident with Celegorm, Curufin, Aredhel, and that tiara.

"Well, yeah. We're bored and everyone needs cheering up," Elrond shrugged, "Someone had to invent all the holidays we've got now. Why not?" 

Maglor thought for a moment about the pile of work on his desk, about how Maedhros had barely said two sentences in a row for the last week, and how listless almost everyone in Amon Ereb was.

Maglor sighed in the way he did when he knew he was going to go along with the kids' ideas, "Alright. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't think we _have_ that many candles. What do you need them for anyways?" Erestor looked baffled. 

"We're inventing a holiday!" Elros announced cheerfully.

Maglor nodded, "They're inventing a holiday."

Erestor shrugged and decided that, as usual, it was best not to question whatever the kids had set their minds to, "Well, let me check the inventories."

"But why donuts?" Maglor asked for the third time. 

Elrond valiantly began to justify the necessity of donuts, "They're fried in oil, so it continues the idea of fire and light, symbolizing-"

"Donuts are just good," Elros added.

Elrond pretended he hadn't been interrupted, "continued endurance of hope and resistance against the Enemy."

"Alright, we can have donuts." 

Maedhros stared out the window at the snow falling in sheets. During days like this, he could almost believe he was still in Himring, laughing with Fingon and believing there was still hope left in Arda.

The Nirnaeth was his own fault. If he had been a better strategist, had fought harder, had-

"Atya!" The twins were banging on the door to his office. 

Maedhros sighed. His children-no, not his children, he _stole_ them, he burned their home and-

"Atya, it's important!"

Maedhros quickly opened the door, "Are you alright?"

Elros grinned, "Come on, Atya, we're going to miss the party!"

Maedhros stared, "What party?"

"You know, Kalanna?" Elrond said, as if that was obvious.

"What's a Kalanna?" Maedhros still looked bewildered. 

"The holiday we invented!" Elros explained cheerfully, "Didn't Atar tell you?" 

Maedhros, surprised, muttered a Khuzdul curse under his breath, "You invented a-so that's why he was looking for me."

Elrond continued, a bit hesitantly, "Everyone was really sad and moody, especially you, and we had nothing to do, so we wanted a reason to have a party to cheer everyone up. Atya, are you-"

Maedhros quickly wiped at his eyes, "You- I'm very proud of you. You're wonderful children and I'm very glad that you're- well, that you're here."

"We know," Elros responded brightly, "Thanks, Atya. But we need to hurry, or there might not be any of the raspberry donuts left."

Maedhros laughed, and took his sons' hands, "Alright, then let's go." 

The hall was so bright Maedhros thought they must have lit half the candles in the fortress. Maglor was singing about the lighting of fires to celebrate the victories at the Siege of Angband. Erestor was trying to stop Elros from eating a sixth donut and failing miserably, mostly because Elros was levitating several meters in the air to get away from him. Several captains were holding drinks and laughing at the spectacle. Elrond was dramatically telling some story to the Mannish children, shifting his face with each person he portrayed. 

Maedhros smiled for the first time in months. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some snapshots of a holiday in the mid-Second Age. Set after There's A Ghost In My Lungs.
> 
> The reason Maedhros is The Only Sober Adult by the end of this chapter is because i hc him as having had a drinking problem in the First Age, and he's trying not to fall back into bad habits. Also because Tired Sole Functional Adult In The Room has been his spiritual state since, like, the early First Age.

"Tyelpe, your hair!" Elrond looked astonished.

Tyelperinquar adjusted his newly bobbed hair, "I wanted a new look. And, well, _he_ loved my old hair, so..."

Elrond quickly kissed his forehead, "I love it. Let's go before we miss the party."

"This was a good idea, Maglor," Artanis admitted.

"It was the kids' idea, really," Maglor said, "I just helped with the set-up."

Maedhros added, looking rather teary-eyed, "They started this before the War of Wrath, you know. None of us had any hope left but they-they found a way to make us glad we were still surviving." 

Artanis looked concerned, "Maedhros, you're crying."

"He always cries at Kalanna," Maglor explained.

Maedhros frantically wiped at his tears, "I don't _always_ cry-"

Artanis and Maglor both shot him a look. 

"Yes, you do," Elrond added cheerfully, having appeared out of nowhere with Tyelperinquar. 

"He absolutely does," Tyelpe agreed. 

Maedhros sighed theatrically, "My own family, conspiring to betray me, on a day of hope and joy." 

Maglor shook his head, "And you say I'm the dramatic one."

"Well, I'm not the one who writes a ballad every time he hears new gossip," Maedhros replied, sounding very much as if he were going to spend the next half hour bickering with Maglor, as siblings tend to.

Maglor began, "Well, I'm not-" 

Artanis interrupted him, reaching for the wine with one brown hand, "Cousins, you're both equally dramatic. Now cut it out and pass the Dorwinion." 

"Elrond, did your eyes always look like that?" Tyelperinquar asked, flopping down next to him on the couch and setting his silver-tipped cane down. 

"What d'you mean?" Elrond responded cheerfully, his bronze skin flushed, "My eyes feel fine."

"They're completely black, but, like, blacker than black," Tyelpe squinted, "It hurts to look right at them. Oh! You've got another one!"

Elrond made a face, and the extra eye vanished as quickly as it had appeared, "It's the wine. This usually happens when I drink." 

"Don't worry about it," Tyelpe clumsily patted his arm, "I'm not scared. You're too nice to be scared of."

Elrond smiled with a lot more sharp teeth that an elf was supposed to have, "That's kind of you, Tyelpe."

"Don't be silly," Tyelpe rested his head on Elrond's shoulder, "I couldn't ever be scared of you."

"Ereinion, sit _down,_ " Maedhros said for the fourth time. 

He did not sit down, "The treaty-"

"Will be there in the morning when you are sober," Maedhros reminded him, "You cannot edit the new treaty with Harad because you are _drunk._ "

Maglor began to agree, in the form of an improvised song, " _In the morniiiing_ -" 

"Stop that, Maglor," Maedhros told him tiredly.

"You should absolutely go do diplomacy, Ereinion," Artanis said brightly, giggling and pulling Gil-Galad towards the door. 

Maedhros glared at her, "Artanis, stop encouraging him!" 

_**Why? It's funny,** _she thought at him.

 _ **It's really not,** _Elrond responded.

"Elrond, _help_ ," Maedhros said frustratedly as he tried to make Maglor sit down and stop singing.

 _ **I can't get up, Tyelpe's asleep!** _Elrond helplessly gestured to Tyelperinquar curled up against him. 

"Fine, but you have to handle Maglor, I need to stop Artanis and Ereinion before they cause a political crisis," Maedhros replied, irritably chasing after them. 

_**Atar, stop singing and sit down, you're going to wake up Tyelpe,** _Elrond thought at Maglor. 

"Oh, all right," Maglor sat down next to Elrond and began cuddling him.

Tyelpe shifted and blinked up at them, "This is nice."

Several minutes later, Maedhros returned with an even drunker Gil-Galad and a laughing Artanis, and finally made both of them sit down on a couch that was really not meant to fit five people. 

Maglor was messily braiding Elrond's hair while humming something catchy and inane. Gil-Galad was mumbling something about a trade deal and Artanis was giggling madly. Tyelpe had fallen asleep again with his head in Elrond's lap. Incomprehensibly dark eyes were appearing and disappearing on Elrond's face. 

Maedhros tucked a blanket over all of them. After a moment, he lay down in what looked like, but really wasn't, a space on the couch. There were a few moments of awkward shifting. 

Elrond said, looking somewhat squished, "'M glad we did this."

There was a general murmur of agreement.

Maedhros smiled, his brown skin incandescent with light older than the sun and moon, "So am I." 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are Loved.


End file.
